L.O.L on company's Employee Policy

After featuring Scolex Portal, we are picking up for promotion a post from one of our blogging friends. We are glad to introduce Doc Ernie, a dedicated professor at the University of the Philippines. He is, well, "shy" of revealing more profile details other than that.

Doc Ernie owns Digital Explorations, a blog about education-related topics. He can also write on other subject areas - from personal stories to computers to mathematics to politics to entertainment - basically anything under the sun. Name it and you'll find it in his blog; one of them is this post with the title: "Would you work for this company with this employee policy?"

Read on. It'll make you laugh out loud on a great Tuesday.
Pleased be advised that these are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

Dress Code
  • It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
  • If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci handbag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
  • If you dress poorly, you need to manage your money better to buy nicer clotes, and therefore do not need a raise.
  • If you dress right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
Annual Leave
  • Each employee will receive 104 days of annual leave per year.
  • These are called Saturdays and Sundays.
Sick Leave
  • We will no longer accept medical certificates issued by doctors as proof of sickness.
  • If you are able to go to the doctor, then you are able to come to work.
Surgery
  • As long as you are an employee of our organization, you need all your organs.
  • You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
  • To have something removed constitutes a breach of contract.
Toilet Use
    Too much time is spent on the toilets

  • There is now a strict 3-minute time limit on the cubicles.
  • At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
  • After your second offense, your picture will posted in the company bulletin board under the Chronic Offenders list.
  • Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
Lunch Break
  • Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  • Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
  • Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Transportation
  • It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
  • a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
    b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
    c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.
Great post there from Doc Ernie. Click here for more! =)